OFAH: Anything for a Mate
I will add an explanation later.
Del: Oy, Tony… none of the boys been in?
Tony: I haven’t seen any of them, Del, but young Towser’s just come in for a takeaway.
Del: Where? Oy, Towser! Sorry, madam, your onion baji’s down there, by your foot.
Towser: Hello del, how’s it going?
Del: Alright, my son. Sit down, have yourself a poppadom.
Towser: No,listen, I can’t get involved. I’m getting the missus a takeaway and I want to get home tonight.
Del: Come on, you’ve got time for a drink. Go on, sit down.
Towser: Oh, cheers.
Del: Listen, I’m glad I bumped into you. I want you to do me a favour.
Towser: What’s that, Del?
Del: Sit down, sit down. You know those broken lawn mower engines that dozy twonk Rodney got himself lumbered with?
Towser: Yeah, what about them?
Del: I want you to buy them off him.
Toswer: You want me to do what? Do me a favour, Del. Alfie Fowlers offered me them engines a month ago. I don’t want nothing to do with them.
Del: It’s alright, it’s alright. You don’t have to spend any money. I’ll give you the money. There you are, see that lot? Two hundred quid. I want you to offer him that.
Towser: Two hundred? Here, they’re only worth about a score scrap value.
Del: I know but I want him to think he’s made a good profit. Look, he’s had a bad week. He’s been tucked up something chronic by that “best mate” of his and now he’s brasic.
Towser: Why don’t you just give him the money?
Del: Well, ’cause it would seem like charity, wouldn’t it, eh?
Towser: Yeah, and he’d be too proud to accept it?
Del: No, he’d snap it up like a shot! But I want him to think that he’s been successful. I want him to believe that he’s proved me wrong. It’s important, Towser.
Towser: Alright then Del, if that’s what you want.
Del: You’re a pal. Don’t let him know that I…(can’t hear). You say to him that you’ve got this contact at the GLC parks department and that, er, they can’t get enough engines, something like that. You see, thing it, I’m not going to lose out on the deal, because come this time tomorrow, Rodney will want to be my partner again and I will get my money back. See?
Towser: Wait a minute! What am I going to do with all these engines?
Del: Well, I don’t know. Dump them somewhere.
Towser: Oh, no, no, I couldn’t do that, Del. I mean, I got nicked for fly dumping a couple of months ago. I mean they’re going to chuck the book at me this time.
Del: I tell you what you’re going to do. Take them back to Alfie Flowers and tell him that he can have them for nothing.
Towser: Yeah, alright, Del. Here, hang about… what’s in it for me?
Del: I’ll give you fifteen quid.
Towser: Oh yeah?
Towser: That’ll do.
Del: Thank you!
Towser: Anything for a mate.
Del: I wouldn’t pay that bill if I were you.
Tony: Thank you, Del.