OFAH: Rodney’s £25 Banger

A “banger” is an old car in bad condition – it makes a bang noise often.

Del: What’s the matter? Brakes a bit spongy, are they?
Rodney: What bloody brakes? I nearly killed myself, Del; it’s a death trap!
Del: What do you expect for twenty-five quid?
Australian man: Your shock absorber’s gone.
Rodney: Well, it has now!
Aussie: What’s it like?
Rodney: What’s what like?
Aussie: The car, you dingo! What do you think I’m talking about? You’re flaming coffee?
Rodney: The car! Oh, well, you know, it’s… it’s…
Aussie: It’s a bit overpriced.
Rodney: It’s a bit overpriced, yeah, that’s what I was going to say.
Aussie: It says 23,000 on the clock; is that genuine?
Rodney: Twenty-three… the last time I looked there was over…
Del-boy: Twenty-two-and-a-half thousand. Quite right, Rodney. No, I had the RAC do a five hundred mile road test on it. Well, you know – better safe than sorry, that’s what I always say. It’s beautiful, though, isn’t it, eh? Beautiful? Son et lumière, wouldn’t you say?
Aussie: Well, don’t know if I’d go quite that far!
Del: Well, yeah. I mean, look at this, eh? Genuine leather upholstery, there. Where would you find genuine leather upholstery like that these days, eh? ‘Ere, do you know that the East African gazelle became an endangered species for this model? Sacrifice well made I’d say, wouldn’t you? No, it’s an enthusiast’s model, this one, and I can that you are in fact a genuine enthusiast.
Aussie: Don’t give me that crap, mate! I can make up my own mind! and I don’t need any help from no Cockney villain!
Del: Cockney villain? Cockney villain? There’s no need to be like that, sir. I mean, after all, the British and the Australians are cousins, across the see, aren’t they? I mean if your great granddad hadn’t have been a bloody villain, you could’ve been one of us! Say no more, c’est la vie, sans faire rien. Allow me to point out some of the optional extras on this one, sir, for you. Look at that – the anti-dazzle mirror, and here you’ll notice that we’ve got the old, look at that, the er, one-speed windscreen wiper. And, er, we’ve got… automatic windows. Oh yeah, the perfect example of the sporting tourer. And of course it comes with a complete, full two weeks MOT still left to run.
Aussie: How many owners?
Del: How many owners? I’m glad you asked me that, sir, ’cause it’s only had the one owner from new, and that of course was a vicar.
Rodney: A vicar?
Aussie: A vicar!
Del: A vicar. He used to use it to drive backwards and forwards to church on a Sunday, that was all… and, oh, only left his bible in the glove compartment!

“Spongy brakes” are brakes that are not very effective.
“Quid” means “pounds” (UK currency).
“Gone” in this case means “no longer working/effective”.
“Dingo” is a stereotypical Australian word for a “fool”.
“Flaming”, “bloody” and “crap” are general words of derision, considered mildly offensive.
“3,000”  this case s referring to “miles”.
“The clock” means the “tachometer” or “mileometer”.
The RAC is The Royal Automobile Club, similar to Japan’s JAF.
“Son et lumière” – not sure why Del says this, but Del often says incorrect French phrases. As far as I can understand, it means “sound and light”…
” ‘Ere” is abbreviated “Here”, and in this case it means “listen”.
“Cockney” is of area of East London.
“C’est la vie,” means “That’s life”
“Sans faire rien” means “without doing anything”.
“MOT” is Ministry Of Transport”, like Japan’s “shaken”.