YouTube Transcription #5 “Only Fools And Horses”
Here is a scene from Only Fools And Horses, which was possibly the most successful situation comedy ever in Britain, starring David Jason.
Delboy: It’s going really well out there, he ,he, he, he. Had to come and open another bottle of wine. What are you doing?
Uncle Albert: I made the coffee.
Delboy: What do you mean you made the coffee? It’s too early, isn’t it? They haven’t fiished their mains yet.
Albert: It don’t (doesn’t) usually take us that long to finish our dinner, does it?
Delboy: Yeah, I know that. That is because we’re not golloping down a Big Mac and chips, are we? No, we’ve got guests. We’re taking our time. We’re savouring the food and the ambience. We’re sipping the wine and we’re conversing. I mean, out there they’re having a chat between each mouthful. It’s sophisticated, it’s civilised. Alright? OK, don’t worry. I’ll whack this in the microwave. Oi, just a minute. What coffee did you make this with?
Albert: That jar over there.
Delboy: This ain’t coffee, smell it. It’s ****** gravy!
Albert: Yeah, it’s gravy. It’s not my fault. It’s them (those) jars, look at them. How am I supposed to tell the difference?
Delboy: I’ll tell you how you tell the difference. This one has, on the label, Maxwell House Coffee. On this label it says Oxo Gravy Granules. a bit of a give away really, isn’t it?
Albert: Well, I was in a hurry and I got mixed up.
Delboy: I’ll mix you up in a minute! wait a minute. Wait a minute. If you have made gravy in the coffee pot… what are they pouring over their dinners in there?
Guest 1: This looks lovely.
Delboy’s wife: Thank you.
Guest 2: Wonderful!
Delboy: Cushty! I don’t believe you! Not only have you managed to sink every aircraft carrier and battleship that you’ve ever sailed on, but now you’ve gone and knackered a gravy boat! What are we going to do?
Albert: Well I ain’t having any of it!
Guest 1: So how long were you in the Navy, Albert?
Albert: Over fifty years, man and boy. Started in the merchant, went on into the Royal, and back to the merchant.
Guest 2: Amazing! You must have some stories to tell.
Rodney (Delboy’s brother): Oh god, yes!
Delboy: Sorry about that. I couldn’t get the cork out of the wine.
Rodney’s wife: Del?
Delboy: No! Oh, sorry, no thank you. I’m trying to give it up.
Rodney’s wife: Albert?
Albert: Not for me dear.
Delboy: Oh yes, you’ll have some. You know how you like your gravy, don’t you? Git!
“They haven’t finished their mains yet.” The word “mains” means “main course”, or “entree”.
“Gollop” means to each very quickly and greedily.
“Ain’t” means “isn’t”, “aren’t” and “am not”. It is very casual.
“Cushty” mean “very nice”.
“Knacker” is a slang, impolite word meaning “destroy” or “damage”.
“Gravy” is a hot sauce poured over meat dishes.
A “gravy boat” is the name of the dish in which gravy is served.
“Git” is a word meaning “mean person” or “troublesome person” (as in this case).