YouTube Transcriptions #49 comedian Hugh Dennis

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This is comedian Hugh Dennis adding a voice-over to a news item featuring the British Prime Minister David Cameron and London Mayor Boris Johnson.

Cameron: Right, Boris. Leave all the talking to me. If you do need to talk, please don’t bang on about buses anymore. Talk about policies, and try not to sound too posh.
Johnson: What ho, peasants!
Cameron: No, that’s roughly what I meant. Anyway, we’re here to introduce London’s new mayor.
Johnson: Who’s he? Who’s the mayor? Oh I’m the mayor! I’m sorry, I’m the mayor, yes. Yes, I’m the mayor and this is David Cameron. We were at Eaton together, us and Robert Mugabe.
Cameron: Yes, anyway. Please don’t be fooled by the presence of a bus behind us, we can talk about many things other than buses. Boris has got many policies on crime and employment, and littering, and, er…
Johnson: And buses! Yes, buses! I know all about buses. Buses, that’s what I’m going to talk about. Everybody loves a bus, don’t they? We all like a bus. Yes, we all love a bus, don’t we love a bus. I tell you what I like – those Routmaster buses, they’re lovely, aren’t they? I think that’s what they’re called. Not the “bendy buses”, no they’re dangerous, they catch fire, they kill people, and er…
Cameron: Could we talk about crime, would that be possible?
Johnson: well, I’d rather talk about buses to be honest, because… although I’m a Tory… I’ve never been on a bus. Why would I go on a bus? Buses are for poor people; I’m a posh fellow. I would never go on a bus, Cameron’s never been on a bus. His bike was stolen, still didn’t get on a bus. Oh is it time to get on? Ding dong.
Cameron: Please don’t think that we can only talk about buses. We can talk about many other things…
Johnson: And buses!
Cameron: Yes we can talk about them, and…
Johnson: Buses!
Cameron: Yes, we can talk about them. Crime, we can talk about crime. And, er, initiatives on litter. We’ve got all that for London, there’s a blueprint for London… and why we didn’t go for Geoffrey Arch I’ve absolutely no idea; this man is as mad as a box of spanners. Goodbye, I think I’m going to be taking the same (???)
Johnson: Oh, has he gone? Has he paid his fare? I tell you what – room for one more on top, as I said to someone’s wife! Only joking. Anyway, here we go…

Expressions used:

bang on about means to keep talking about a topic repeatedly.

posh means upper class.

What ho is an upper class term of greeting.

Tory is a member of the UK’s Conservative Party.

As mad as a box of spanners – This is one of many idiom expressions meaning “mad” or “crazy”.