Taskmaster: Potato in the Hole

The “TASKMASTER” is comedian and actor Greg Davies (the tallest person on UK TV!)
Taskmaster’s assistant – comedian Alex Horne
Contestants in this silly game are (L-R):
Doc Brown – Rapper, actor
Joe Wilkinson – Comedian
John Richardson – Comedian
Catherine Ryan – Comedian (Canadian)
Richard Osman – TV presenter, game show host (the second tallest person on UK TV!)

CR: Potato, my fave. (=favourite)
JW: Get this potato into the golf hole.
JR: You may not touch the red “green“. (golf putting green)
CR: You may not touch the red green.
DB: I get one shot at this? (attempt)
AH: No.
RO: Ok, but if I throw it I can’t go on it, right? Ah, that’s clever. So, it’s like a one… oh, man oh man you’re kidding me!
GD: I mean, with a task like this it’s made pretty clear that you’re not allowed to touch the red green right? So the one thing you wouldn’t do, you wouldn’t just throw the potato at the hole and hope for the best.
AH: No, otherwise your potato would just be stranded.
GD: It would just be stranded.
AH: You wouldn’t be able to retrieve it.
GD: Yo wouldn’t be able to get to it.
AH: So you’d think of a way round that.
GD: I mean no-one would just do that, right?
CR: Ok, who do you want to see first? Catherine and Richard?
GD: Yes, please.
CR: Well now how am I going to get it?
AH: Dunno. (Don’t know)
RO: I could risk it. Ah, I’m going to have to get something… I should’ve thought of that a while before, right?
CR: Not losing him again!
AH: What’s the plan?
CR: I’m gonna tie this potato, sort of give it a lead, so that I don’t lose it again. We all love a game of “skippity potato“; it’s an old Irish game. (It’s not a real thing)
AH: Er, and you’re happy that you didn’t touch the erm, red green?
RO: I don’t think I did.
CR: Not that time… No problem.
AH: Feel good?
CR: I feel great.
AH: Want your wellies back? (wellington boots, rain boots)
CR: Yes, please.  Can I touch the red green now?
GD: Catherine, my initial impulse was “Where’d you get those wellies; they’re awesome!” And that was quickly replaced by “What happened?” When you worked out the system that you could move the green…
CR: Yeah…
GD: You just moved it a little bit… “Yeah that’ll do, I’m gonna tie a potato to some string.”
CR: I don’t know. I felt like, unlike Richard Osman, I should respect the red green and like play the game.
GD: I mean you’ve invented a great game, “Potato String”. Unfortunately for you it’s owned by the makers of this programme.
CR: This is why I’m really bad at sports, I just can’t work it out. Yeah, like most of sports is like…
RO: Can we have some time out for Catherine?
CR: Thank you. Most of sports… I feel like the crux of every sport that I see is getting the ball in the whole… I don’t care where the ball goes, I don’t care! Like, I’ll never jump in front of the ball or like hurt myself… I don’t get it! (understand its importance)
GD: I’m the same, and when I take over as king of this country I’m gonna ban football.
AH: So, Richard’s in the lead, 2 minutes thirteen. Catherine, six minutes twenty-eight.
CR: Not bad.
GD: Who’s next?
AH: Doc and John.
DB: Up and in…
JR: B*****d!
DB: I can’t be on the red though, can I? How do I retrieve the potato? I didn’t think about that! (I) threw too early. I’m screwed now! (in an impossible situation) This is obviously gonna add to my time but… unless one of them other jammy guys gets a hole in one, think I’ll be alright. (lucky)
JR: B*****d!
DB: Yes!
AH: Back to square one. (the beginning)
DB: Yeah.
AH: (You) stuck with your method.
JR: Yeah, “chucking it in the hole”! (thow casually)
DB: Ha, ha, ha! What you got? Feeling confident? Yeah man, I’m gonna keep this, for later (?)! (an aggressive challenge to somebody)
GD: Not many people have the balls to (have the courage to) call people out with a crutch gaffer-taped to a walking stick gaffer-taped to a funnel! (a strong adhesive tape used by professionals)

DB: The thing is, Greg, I just love sports so much…
GD: Ern, John, do you really run like that?
AH*: He did get it in on his third attempt, it took him one minute and nine seconds.
GD: And how long did the ****ing Dalek take? (A robot character from TV series “Dr Who?”)
AH: He took six minutes and fifty^nice second.
CR: Did I beat him? Yes!
GD: So, it’s just Joe Wilkinson to go.
JW:… Fastest wins. Your time starts now. Oh, we’re off! (We have started) Er, what if I don’t… if I can’t take it… there you go.
AH: Fourteen point three seconds.
FW: I didn’t think that through at all!
AH: (???) Well don, Joe.
JW:  (???) at school. I think that’s the best thing I’ve ever done!
AH: Good shot.
JW: Cheers. (thanks) I’m just gonna pop this in there. (put)
AH: Alright, see you in a bit.
JW: Yeah, cheers.
AH: Well done, Joe.
GD: I don’t know how you feel, Catherine, but it made me like sports. It’s incredible. Talk us through it, how are you feeling?
JW: Instincts!
GD: It’s a gut, laser-like accuracy. (instinctive)
JW: Just did it and then I though “Piece of p***“) (easy) I did it another seventeen times after that.
GD: What I liked was what you said to Alex, I don’t know whether you heard that, but you went “Yo didn’t think that was going to happen, did you?” You did! It’s incredible. It’s so incredible, personally I’d love to see it again. Do you want to see it again?
AH: Okay, here it is again.
GD: Guys, sometimes it’s hard to be the Taskmaster! Sometimes you’ve gotta crush dreams.
JR: That’s the most exciting bit of sport I’ve ever seen in my life.
GD: Shut up mate, it’s not like you’re going back to an empty house! (reference to something Joe had said earlier)
JW: Right, please don’t take it away from me. Please, please.
GD: Cor, I got a real sense of power, then, for a second! (wow) Joe, it’s awful, because clearly you’ve got an awful home life, we’ve established that already.
RO: If I could just speak as a fellow competitor… i thought it was an incredible achievement. If I’d done what he’d done I would have wanted the five points. That’s my view, so I’d be happy to ncede that to Joe, but you know, it’s your decision… up to you.
GD: It’s really strange isn’t it, you know, that’s a really impassioned and eloquent argument, but it makes me more inclined to take it off him! I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do, and it’s unprecedented, and don’t think that we’re gonna do this for the rest of the series because we’re not, it’s a one-off. (one-time occurance) I’m gonna allow your fellow competitors to decide.
JR: Good luck, mate.
RO: We should send Joe out of the room and take a vote.
GD: Yeah, you should go… (???) Four of you there, you’ve got one vote, I guess raise your hand if you’d like Joe to win despite… so you don’t think Joe should get it.
JR: No.
DB: I think, if you really analyze the slo-mo (slow-motion film), those couple of centimetres that he gains over the red… were you to take them away and that would be a clean shot, that potato would have been all rim and bounced out.
GD: And even that was lyrical wasn’t it? “That potato would have been all rim and bounced out.”
DB: I’m telling you, those centimetres were a crucial advantage.
AH: Do you wanna bring him back in and deliver your verdict?
GD: Yeah, go on.
JR: He can come back in but he can’t step on the red.
GD: Joe, I gave your fellow contestants the opportunity to save you, and they were unable to conclusively do that. Therefore, on this occasion, I’m going to have to say that your attempt was null and void. (formal, legal expression meaning “cancelled”)
DB: That is harsh, that is harsh! Harsh, just saying! (An unfair decision)
JR: We fought for you mate, but…