OFAH: Rodney’s girlfriend

Rodney: Eh? No, no, that’s my brother. Oh, yeah, ok, ok, I’ll see you soon… (Of) course I do… I can’t… there’s people here.
(Del is making a chip sandwich, with chips from Rodney’s plate)
Rodney: Yeah, alright, ok. See you.
Granddad: Who was that, Rodney?
Rodney: Eh? Oh, er, Mickey Pearce.
Del: Mickey Pearce?
Rodney: Del, I want your advice. I’ve got a bit of a problem.
Del: I don’t wanna know, I don’t wanna know! I’d rather die in ignorance! (There’s) never been anything like that in our family. ‘Ere, hang about, Mickey Pearce is on holiday in France, isn’t he?(‘ere=here, in this case meaning, “listen”. Hang about=wait a moment/just a moment.)
Rodney: Oh yeah. Well, it wasn’t him, actually. It was a girl.
Del: Don’t you ever do that to me again, Rodney. I shall be up all night with heartburn. So you’ve got a bird, have you? Oh, well, that explains it. (bird=girlfriend/girl)
Rodney: Explains what?
Del: It explains why you’ve been lolloping about so much for the past week or so. You wanna pull your socks up, my son, it’s beginning to affect business. (pull your socks up=make a better effort to try hard. My son=young man, talking down to)
Rodney: How could it affect business?
Del: Well, I’ll tell you, shall I? Look – Tart in here called Irene McKay, right? she’s had seventeen quid’s worth of clothes off you and you’re letting her pay you back at twenty-five pence a week, right? That means you’ve gotta go round there every week for a year! (tart=derogatory word for girl. Quid= Pound, UK currency. Pence=100th of a pound)
Rodney: Yeah, I know!
Del: Oh, I get it! Rodney’s got a mystery!
Rodney: Irene’s not a mystery. We’ve just been seeing a lot of each other, and, well, we’ve become quite close. Promise me you won’t laugh?
Del: No, of course I won’t.
Rodney: I think I’m in love.
Granddad: Oh, do us a favour, Rodney! Only a month ago you was in love with that skinny bird from the dry cleaners. Now, along comes another little girl and you’re away again! (Do us a favour=stop lying!)
Rodney: Margarite from the dry cleaners was just an infatuation. This is the real thing, and Irene is not a little girl. She happens to be a woman.
Del: Hmm, a woman, eh?  He’s fallen in love with someone who’s got the vote this time! How old is she? Twenty?
Rodney: No, she’s about thirty.
Del: What do you mean “about thirty”? How old is she exactly?
Rodney: Forty.
Granddad: Forty?
Del: Forty? (cough) Forty? You’re not being serious, are you?
Rodney: What’s wrong with going out with a woman of forty?
Del: Nothing! Nothing at all, if you happen to be fifty! She’s even too old for me!
Granddad: Well I’d have to think twice!