OFAH: Rodney’s Super-Fast Political Career

Trigger: How you doin’, Dave?
Rodney: Oh! Oh, alright, Trig.
Trigger: No Del-boy?
Rodney: No, he’s out.
Tigger: How’s your granddad? I heard his legs was playin’ ‘im up.
Rodney: Yeah. Well, it’s most probably just a touch of fibrositis, you know.
Trigger: Yeah, more than like. That’s ‘ow my nan started off. D’you ever meet my nan?
Rodney: Well, only at her funeral.
Trigger: That’s right, you were at the funeral, weren’t you, Dave?
Rodney: Trig, why d’you call me ‘Dave’? My name’s not ‘dave’. My name’s ‘Rodney’.
Trigger; I thought it was ‘Dave’.
Rodney: It’s Rodney!
Trigger: Are you sure?
Rodney: Yeah, I’m positive. I’ve looked it up on me birth certificate and passport and everything. It is definitely ‘Rodney’.
Trigger: Oh, well, you live and learn. So, what’s ‘Dave’? A nickname, like?
Rodney: No! You’re the only one who calls me ‘Dave’! Everybody else calls me ‘Rodney’, and the reason they call me ‘Rodney’ is that ‘Rodney’ is my name!
Trigger: Well, I shall have to get used to calling you ‘Rodney’.
Rodney: Thank you!
Trigger: Hey, Bas… you gonna get this meeting started? Me and Dave ain’t got all night!
Rodney: ‘Rodney’!
Trigger: Yeah, yeah.
Bas: Can’t start the meeting without the vice chairman in attendance. It’s in our constitution.
Rodney: Well how long’s he gonna be?
Bas: Could be a hell of a long time, son. He died a fortnight ago.
Rodney: Died? Well what was the point in calling the meeting?
Bas: Well, I was hoping, if we’d had a bigger turn out, to elect a new vice chairman for the floor.
Trigger: Do ya need a new vice chairman? Well, if it’ll help you out any, Bas, I nominate Rodney.
Rodney: What?
Bas: I second it.
Rodney: Now hang on a minute!
Bas: All those in favour… against… nomination accepted. Welcome aboard, son.
Rodney: I don’t wanna be vice chairman.
Trigger: I thought you was interested in all that political malarkey.
Rodney: Well, yeah, I am but I don’t want this job.
Trigger: Oh, well, I suppose Del-boy was right all along?
Rodney: What do you mean?
Trigger: Well, he always said you was too immature to accept responsibility.
Rodney: Oh did he? Well we’ll have to see about that then won’t we? Where do I sit, Bas? Where do I sit, Bas?
Bas: Oh, eh? Next to me here, son. Right, I declare this meeting open. Now the first item on the agenda is my resignation. Welcome to the chair. Congratulations, son.

Explanation:
Trigger: How you doin’, Dave? means “How are you doing?”=”How are you?”
Rodney: Oh! Oh, alright, Trig.
Trigger: No Del-boy?
Rodney: No, he’s out.
Tigger: How’s your granddad? I heard his legs was playin’ ‘im up. means “playing him up”=”causing him discomfort”
Rodney: Yeah. Well, it’s most probably just a touch of fibrositis, you know. means “a little”
Trigger: Yeah, more than like. That’s ‘ow my nan started off. D’you ever meet my nan? means “That is likely correct”  ‘ow= how  nan=nanna, grandmother  D’ya means “did you” (or “do you”)
Rodney: Well, only at her funeral.
Trigger: That’s right, you were at the funeral, weren’t you, Dave?
Rodney: Trig, why d’you call me ‘Dave’? My name’s not ‘dave’. My name’s ‘Rodney’.
Trigger; I thought it was ‘Dave’.
Rodney: It’s Rodney!
Trigger: Are you sure?
Rodney: Yeah, I’m positive. I’ve looked it up on me birth certificate and passport and everything. It is definitely ‘Rodney’.
Trigger: Oh, well, you live and learn. So, what’s ‘Dave’? A nickname, like?
Rodney: No! You’re the only one who calls me ‘Dave’! Everybody else calls me ‘Rodney’, and the reason they call me ‘Rodney’ is that ‘Rodney’ is my name!
Trigger: Well, I shall have to get used to calling you ‘Rodney’.
Rodney: Thank you!
Trigger: Hey, Bas… you gonna get this meeting started? Me and Dave ain’t got all night! Ain’t means isn’t/aren’t/am not
Rodney: ‘Rodney’!
Trigger: Yeah, yeah.
Bas: Can’t start the meeting without the vice chairman in attendance. It’s in our constitution.
Rodney: Well how long’s he gonna be?
Bas: Could be a hell of a long time, son. He died a fortnight ago.  means “two weeks” (fourteen nights)
Rodney: Died? Well what was the point in calling the meeting?
Bas: Well, I was hoping, if we’d had a bigger turn out, to elect a new vice chairman for the floor.
Trigger: Do ya need a new vice chairman? Well, if it’ll help you out any, Bas, I nominate Rodney. 
Rodney: What?
Bas: I second it.
Rodney: Now hang on a minute!
Bas: All those in favour… against… nomination accepted. Welcome aboard, son.
Rodney: I don’t wanna be vice chairman.
Trigger: I thought you was interested in all that political malarkey. was=were    malarkey=meaningless talk, nonsense
Rodney: Well, yeah, I am, but I don’t want this job.
Trigger: Oh, well, I suppose Del-boy was right all along?
Rodney: What do you mean?
Trigger: Well, he always said you was too immature to accept responsibility.
Rodney: Oh did he? Well we’ll have to see about that then, won’t we? Where do I sit, Bas? Where do I sit, Bas?
Bas: Oh, eh? Next to me here, son. Right, I declare this meeting open. Now the first item on the agenda is my resignation. Welcome to the chair. Congratulations, son.