YouTube Transcription #37 Smoking Room

This is a UK sitcom set entirely in the smoking room of an office in London.
The thing to know about this scene is that Robin is secretly gay, and the guy he really likes, Ben who works in the post room, obviously isn’t gay. However, Robin keeps trying to convince himself and everyone that post-room Ben is gay.

Robin: Does anyone know if Ben is signing up for this?
Lilian: Aah. Poor Ben.
Robin: How do you mean, “poor”?
Sally: He’s split up with his girlfriend.
Robin: Oh, well, and I wonder why…
Lilian: How do you mean?
Robin: What a sham relationship that was. He’s fooling noone.
Lilian: About what?
Robin: “Girlfriend”.
Sally: She was his girlfriend.
Robin: Couldn’t be more obvious.
Lilian: What couldn’t?
Robin: Ben… he’s… you know…
Lilian: Epileptic?
Robin: No, he’s… you know…
Lilian: Black?
Robin: Of course he’s not black. Anyone can see he’s not black!
Lilian: Ben Okinawi?
Robin: No, post-room Ben.
Sally: What’s he got to do with anything?
Robin: You just said he’s split up with his girlfriend!
Sally: No I never. Last I heard he was moving in with her.
Robin: Well I don’t give that long!

Expressions used:

“I wonder why” can have a direct meaning (I don’t know why) or, as in this case, a rhetorical meaning (I know exactly why), depending on the intonation. That’s why Lilian responded with “How do you mean?”
In this case “fool” is a verb meaning “deceive”. “He’s fooling noone,” means that although he is trying to deceive everyone, noone believes him.
“Never” is often used in southern England instead of “didn’t”. So the sentence, “No I never,” should be “No I didn’t.”
“I don’t give that long,” means “I don’t expect that will last for long.”