YouTube Transcription #73 Jimmy Fallon

Jimmy Fallon, US talk show host, impersonates Donald Trump.

Clinton: Hello. Who’s this?
Trump (Fallon): Congratulations, you’re speaking to Donald Trump.
C: Oh, hello Donald.
T: How are you, Hillary? I haven’t seen you since my last wedding.
C: Well, I’m sure I’ll see you at the next one.
T: Anyway, I’ve just finished the GOP debate. As usual, I was fantastic. Everyone loved me. Now look, I know you’re about to go for your interview with Jimmy Fallon, but he’s a total lightweight, so I’m going to do him a favour and interview you instead.
C: That’s great. You know how much I love being interviewed, as long as you don’t start talking over me when I’m trying to make a point…
T: Yeah, question 1 – You recently said, quote, Mr. trump insults and dismisses women, but tell me – what would you do to help women in this country?
C: You know, Donald, I’ve spent my entire career fighting for women’s rights. I’ll push for equal pay in the workplace, for protecting women’s health and reproductive rights, for making quality affordable childcare a reality for families. That’s what I believe in, that’s what I’m fighting for. You know, I’m really curious Donald, erm, what is your stance on women’s issues?
T: Look, I know a lot of women, and they all have issues. Next question – How do you plan to get your message across to the American people?
C: Well, look, Donald. It’s a long campaign and I’m travelling across our great nation, I’m listening to people’s stories, I’m confident Americans will see I will deliver for them, that they can count on me for them and their families.
T: See? You sound like a robot! Bleep, blop, bleep, blop, does not compute. You want to win? Here’s what you gotta do… first: yell. I yell all the time. In fact, this phone isn’t even plugged in; I just yell. And you’re hearing me, ok? Next: Pick three things everyone loves and say you hate them. Watch… Puppies – stupid, rainbows – total losers, fall foliage – tree puberty. Are you writing all this down?
C: Hold on, let me grab my pen. Ok Donald, I got it.
T: Next question: Immigration. Wall or giant wall?
C: You know, come on Donald! America was built by people who came here. They worked their hearts out for a better life and that’s what many immigrants are doing today, their dream is to become American citizens. You know, you’re trying to stop them. I mean, do you have any idea what it’s like to work so hard for something, to be so close to getting it, that someone pops out of nowhere and tries to take it all away?
T: Are you talking about Bernie Sanders? I hate to say this, but I think he’s losing his hair. I hate to say it. He’s a great guy, fantastic. I hate to say it.
C: At least he doesn’t have just one strand that he twirls over his head like a soft serve at Dairy Queen.
T: Toupee… I mean touché. Anyway, you’re welcome for this interview, I just really helped your campaign. Your poll number’s going to be fantastic. They’re gonna be big.
C: Don’t you mean they’re gonna be “huge”?
T: That’s right, they’re gonna be huuuuuge! Cue the music.

Expressions used:

lightweight – meaning not powerful, originally a boxing category
have issues – have complaints, have problems
our great nation – the US politician’s way of saying USA
pops out of nowhere – appears suddenly, unexpectedly
I hate to say this, but – said before reluctantly giving bad but important news, but Trump says this before saying something insulting that he actually does not have to say
touché – an acknowledgement of losing a point to an opponent, from fencing, literally meaning ‘touch’ in French.