YouTube Transcription #80 JP Sears

JP Sears makes parody spiritual videos. He has touched on just about all topics, so please check out his YouTube channel.

JP: The three most important things in my life are God, my family and my Instagram account, and not necessarily in that order.
So basically all I need from you in this shoot is to capture the shocking strength of my Kundalini, the radiance of my vibes, and the magnificent decalcification of my pineal gland.
I like to be original, so in this photo shoot I decided to get some sunrise and sunset shots. I don’t think that’s ever been done before.
The reason why I like to do yoga photo shoots is that it’s probably the most effective way for me to bring love and light into the world.
Photographer: The foot… so stack your feet.
JP: Brian how long does it take you to take a picture? I can’t hold this all day!
My Instagram yoga art is all about helping people discover their inner beauty and helping them live to their fullest potential. The best way I can accomplish this is by desperately seeking as much attention as possible on Instagram. #yoga #yogaart #yogalife #livinghteyogaloco. Do hashtags work on video?
Am I willing to put my life at risk by going to the top of a hundred-and-fifty-foot-tall unstable cliff to get a shot of me doing Salutation Soleil? Yes I am. Some would say I put the world at risk if I don’t get the shot. People deserve to see a photo of me crushing a cliffside angelic Mudra. If there’s not at least a fifty-percent chance that you’re going to die in your yoga photo setup, then you have no business putting the damn picture on Instagram… thought it was a bird.
Underneath all the artistry of my yoga photos, I have a deep awareness that nature by itself is mundane and incomplete. Then I start intermingling with its landscape, and my poses transform nature into a miraculous spectacle.
Does this do kirlian photography? Because I think I might want my aura in some of these pictures.
There’s nothing more relaxing than doing yoga on a jagged rock in a dangerous location. And doing a Shoshana in front of a giant Buddha, a.k.a. headstand on concrete, makes me an oasis of tranquility. These types of photos catch me in my most natural state of being…
And I might need you to Photoshop my bottom abdominals, because I put almond butter on my celery yesterday. Can you do that?
How do you create a successful yoga photoshoot? I’ve got two words for you: man bulge and man bun. How are my abs looking from there?
Because my cheeky yoga pants are made out of recycled water bottles, I’ve decided to help the yoga community by consuming more bottles of water, because the world needs more yoga pants.
Photographer: He was the worst client I’ve ever worked with.
JP: Brian had a blast working with me. It was a life-changing experience for him to work with me. It’s probably gonna make his career.
Photographer: He told me he was the worst client I would ever work with because he was the most advanced client I would ever work with.
JP: The essence of me! What the hell are you doing? Have you ever done this before?
Photographer: I would definitely not work with him again.
JP: The guy’s so eager to do more photoshoots with me.
Hey Brian. I got your invoice for the shoot, and I thought instead of making this all about the money, why don’t we do, like, an energy exchange? I could give you some private yoga sessions, maybe even a reiki session … besides, all you really did was hold the camera.
Photographer: I’m all down for energy exchanges, but I think we should stick to the original plan, which was to transfer the funds into my account. Because after all, money is energy, right?
JP: And instead of you wasting your life doing more yoga, why don’t you waste your life by subscribing to my YouTube channel?

Expressions used:
shoot  – a photography session (a ‘shot’ is a photo)
have no business ~ing – have no right, should not
bun – hair style of keeping hair in a bun shape above the head
abs – abdominal muscles
had a blast – thoroughly enjoyed
make his career – bring success to his career (“Dirty Harry – “Go ahead punk. Make my day,” means “make my day successful.”