YouTube Transcription #26 Coupling

Patrick is perhaps the world’s shallowest man!

Patrick: Sally.
Sally: Patrick. Private function? (because there are no other customers in the bar)
P:Yeah, there’s something later.
S: So it’s not us, then?
P: No, definitely not us. Sally, you are the most wonderful woman in the history of the entire universe. You’re incredible. You’ve got the looks of a Miss World, with the brains to match. You’re more than a woman; you’re like a man! Seriously, you could be a bloke anytime you wanted. Obviously, a bloke with some pretty serious defects, but hey, who cares about that? I’ve seen you down drinks with the best of them. I wish I’d had a mother like you. Or a grandmother, or any kind of ancestor. And since you said what you said, I’ve had a lot of time to think, but obviously that isn’t always possible. Nonetheless, I have been able to consider your application and, and, this is the point; this is the important point. Sally, you need someone good enough for you. You don’t want some muttonheaded city boy who spends all his time thinking about his cars and his golf clubs. You want someone who can love you the way you deserve to be loved; the way I want you to be loved. Sally, you need someone who will love you forever, properly. You’re my friend, Sally, and I want to see you with the best. You need Mr Amazing, Mr Incredibly-Superbly-Fantasticness, and in your heart I’m sure you know I’m right.
Sally: I don’t want Mr Superbly-Incredibly-Fantasticness, you stupid, stupid arse! I want you!
P: For god’s sake, Sally!
S: What? What?
P: I was talking about me!

Expressions used:
A private function is when somebody reserves an entire bar or restaurant so that it is closed to the general public.
Bloke means man, guy
down (verb) drinks means to finish a drink very quickly
The best of them means those people who have the highest ability at something, in this case drinking
Nonetheless means even so, despite that
A muttonhead is a slow-thinking person, and muttonheaded is the adjective
Adding ~ness makes a noun, but fantasticness is not a real word
‘For god’s sake!’ is used to show frustration, exasperation