YouTube Transcription #14: Jeeves And Wooster

In this scene Jeeves (the butler, played by the multi-talented Stephen Fry) helps his employer Wooster (played by Hugh Laurie {Dr House}) out of a difficult situation. Wooster has accidentally made two women (Madeline and Florence) believe that they are engaged to marry him, and he doesn’t want either woman to find out about the other…

Bertie Wooster: Well Jeeves, we must get that book (background story not important).
Madeline: Bertie!
Bertie: What? Madeline.
Madeline: What are you doing in here?
Bertie: Erm, just looking for my socks.
Madeline: Oh. Why would you look for your socks in Florence’s room?
Bertie: Florence’s room? Oh, where am I? I feel faint…
Madeline’s mother: I must say Florence, this engagement of Bertie’s makes me very happy.
Florence: Well, I’m glad that you’re pleased.
Madeline: Are you alright, Bertie?
Bertie: Where am I?
Medline: I just told you. You’re in Florence’s room. What I want to know, Bertie, is…
Bertie: Who are you?
Madeline: Bertie!
Florence: What on earth are you doing in my room?
Bertie: Who…?
Madeline’s mother: Why is he lying on the floor?
Madeline: I think he’s having a brainstorm.
Madeline’s mother: what with?
Florence: Why should he come into my room to have a brainstorm?
Madeline: The poor darling doesn’t know where he is.
Florence: But you do, presumably. And what are you doing in here?
Madeline: Well I saw him come in and, naturally, since we’re… (‘engaged to be married’)
Bertie: Aaaah, oooh!
Madeline: Bertie!
Madeline’s mother: He’s making a lot of noise. My late husband never made a noise.
Florence: What he needs is peace and quiet. If I could ask you to leave him with me.
Madeline: No, he must come with me. After all, he is my… (‘fiancé’)
Bertie: Aaaah!
Florence: Kindly remember that Bertie and I are… (‘engaged to be married’)
Bertie: Aaaah!
Madeline: Where does it hurt, Bertie darling?
Florence: Please do not address Bertie in that over-familiar tone, Madeline!
Madline’s mother: I don’t see why she shouldn’t. She is, after all… (‘his fiancée’)
Bertie: Ooooh! Ah, the agony, agony!
Madeline: It’s getting worse.
Jeeves: Perhaps I could be of assistance, ladies?
Florence: Oh, Jeeves. Have you ever seen him like this before?
Jeeves: With increasing frequency, I regret to say, Lady Florence.
Madeline: We should loosen his collar.
Jeeves: I hardly think such drastic measures are called for, Ms Basset. If you’ll allow me… Can you walk, sir, if I assist you?
Bertie: Ooooh, aaah, Jeeves.
Madeline: He recognizes you, anyway, Jeeves. He didn’t know who I was, and I’m his… (‘fiancée’)
Jeeves: Aaah! I do apologize, sir. You trod on my toe.
Bertie: Sorry, Jeeves.
Jeeves: Just hold on, sir, and we’ll get you your tablets.

Expressions used:
“Why on earth” adds extra emphasis to “why”. It can be used with any “wh-” questions.
The characters used the word ‘brainstorm’ in error, perhaps meaning ‘seizure’.
Madeline’s mother said ‘What with?’ meaning he has no brain so he cannot have a brainstorm.
‘Address’ means to speak to somebody.