YouTube Transcription #52 Chas & Dave

This week I’m transcribing a song by Chas & Dave, from 1979. Chas and Dave are two Cockney Londoners who make songs in the style of traditional London pub “sing-alongs”. They use a strong Cockney dialect which you may have problems understanding! Not only that, but they sing very fast.

Enjoy!

The Sideboard Song (Hodges/Peacock)

Mother phoned up last night, she was going spare, she was in a temper pulling out her hair.
“Your sister’s courtin’ a scruffy looking ted, Father don’t give a monkeys and this is what he said:”

“I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care if he comes round here.
I’ve got my beer in the sideboard here let Mother sort it out if he comes round here.”

I said to me mother “Let me ‘ave a talk to Dad,” so he comes to the telephone, he wasn’t half mad.
Said “She’s got no sense, silly little cow and if he comes round here there’s gonna be a row.

I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care if he comes round here.
I’ve got my beer in the sideboard here let Mother sort it out if he comes round here.”

I’ll tell ya something else and all, he’s never got a job, he hangs around the betting shop the lazy little yob.
Mother says, “Calm down Dad, he’s alright,” but they’re out there snogging in the passage all night.

“I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care if he comes round here.
I’ve got my beer in the sideboard here let Mother sort it out if he comes round here.
If he comes round here, I’ve got my beer, let Mother sort it out, in the sideboard here,
Got my beer, let Mother sort it out, I don’t care if he comes round here.”

You’d think he was a tramp with the stubble on his chin, he looks like something that the cat’s dragged in,
Never got no money, smokes all my fags, got holes in his soles and he’s hanging in rags.
On top of that he said to tell ya why I’ve got the ‘ump, she had a skinny little belly now its sticking out the front.
Nothing seems to fit her and she’s running out of clothes, if he keeps on taking liberties I’ll punch him on the nose.

“I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care if he comes round here.
I’ve got my beer in the sideboard here let Mother sort it out if he comes round here.
If he comes round here, I’ve got my beer, let Mother sort it out, in the sideboard here,
Got my beer, let Mother sort it out, I don’t care if he comes round here.”

Mother phoned up (v. phoned, called) last night, she was going spare (in a panic), she was in a temper pulling out her hair (in a panic, worried).
“You’re sister’s courtin’ (courting, dating) a scruffy looking ted (teddy boy, 50s style rocker), Father don’t give a monkeys (doesn’t care) and this is what he said:”

“I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care if he comes round here (comes here).
I’ve got my beer in the sideboard here let Mother sort it out if he comes round here.”

I said to me (my) mother “Let me ‘ave (have) a talk to Dad,” so he comes to the telephone, he wasn’t half (was very) mad (angry).
Said “She’s got no sense, silly little cow (foolish girl) and if he comes round here there’s gonna be a row.

I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care if he comes round here.
I’ve got my beer in the sideboard here let Mother sort it out if he comes round here.”

I’ll tell ya (you) something else and all (also), he’s never got a job, he hangs around (spends time at, doing nothing) the betting shop the lazy little yob (badly behaved youth).
Mother says, “Calm down Dad, he’s alright,” but they’re out there snogging (kissing) in the passage (hallway, corridor) all night.

“I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care if he comes round here.
I’ve got my beer in the sideboard here let Mother sort it out if he comes round here.
If he comes round here, I’ve got my beer, let Mother sort it out, in the sideboard here,
Got my beer, let Mother sort it out, I don’t care if he comes round here.”

You’d think he was a tramp (homeless person) with the stubble on his chin (unshaven), he looks like something that the cat’s dragged in (a mess, dirty, unpleasant).
Never got no (any) money, smokes all my fags (cigarettes), got holes in his soles and he’s hanging in (wearing) rags.
On top of that he said to tell ya why I’ve got the ‘ump (got the hump = angry, annoyed), she had a skinny little belly now its sticking out the front (she’s pregnant).
Nothing seems to fit her and she’s running out of clothes, if he keeps on taking liberties I’ll punch him on the nose.

“I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care if he comes round here.
I’ve got my beer in the sideboard here let Mother sort it out if he comes round here.
If he comes round here, I’ve got my beer, let Mother sort it out, in the sideboard here,
Got my beer, let Mother sort it out, I don’t care if he comes round here.”